A Guilty Thing Surprised
by Cinnamon68
Summary: I feel as though I am somehow cheating, writing this story. I consider myself a diehard Gill/Julie shipper, and here I am posting this Gill/Rachel story! I can only say after watching the last episode and hearing that line again, I just had to write this. The first line is obviously lifted from the episode. I own nothing except the story. The title is from a Ruth Rendell book.
1. Chapter 1

'You can crash my parties any time kid!' Gill said, as she tried to sit up. The events of the day and the large quantity of gin she had consumed making the simple action more difficult. Rachel's stomach flip-flopped as she looked at Gill, her hair slightly messy, and the look on her face. Coming from anyone else Rachel would have taken that as a come-on. But this was Gill Murray, DCI Gill Murray, no less. Godzilla, for fuck's sake! She surely wasn't. Or was she... Rachel closed her eyes for a moment and forced herself to even her breathing. Gill continued talking and Rachel allowed herself to be caught up in the banter, feeling as though her world had been returned to a semblance of normality.

Dave was practically comatose on the sofa in the furthest corner of the room, when the three women came down the stairs to rejoin the party. People were dancing, drinking and nibbling and all seemed well. Gill looked around and saw Sammy and Orla together. She had to agree they made a lovely couple Janet went over to offer her congratulations to them, and Rachel asked Gill if it was all right to go and smoke in the garden.

'I think I'll join you.' Gill said as she poured herself another rather large gin and tonic.

'What's your poison, tonight, kid?' Gill asked Rachel, who surveyed the array of drinks on offer and settled on a vodka and cranberry juice. She planned on drinking a few more before the evening ended. Gill handed Rachel her drink, and lead the way out through the patio doors to the garden, passing the now snoring Dave. Not for the first time, Rachel wondered how someone as amazing as Gill had ended up with someone like Dave, then snorted as she thought of her own bad decisions where relationships were concerned. She really was in no position to judge.

Rachel took a few gulps of her drink then put in on the wall surrounding the patio as she rummaged in her bag for cigarettes and her lighter. As she opened the packet to take one out she offered one to Gill, thinking that today qualified as a bad day, if ever there was one. Gill gratefully accepted. Rachel lit her cigarette, then leaned into Gill to light hers. As she did so, Gill touched Rachel's hand and Rachel's skin tingled. She felt herself leaning in and craving more. Their eyes met as they cupped their hands around the cigarette, lighting it. Rachel felt her knees go weak, and her eyes widened. She had entered the twilight zone. This could not be Godzilla. As Gill sucked in her first breath and then exhaled, Rachel took a large swig of her vodka and wondered where she had taken a left turn.

There were only the two of them in the corner now and Rachel felt as though they were naughty school girls, sneaking out for a crafty ciggie, rather than two fully grown women. They had long finished their cigarettes, but neither showed any interest in returning to the party proper. Rachel swallowed the rest of her vodka, and let the alcohol work it's magic, as it travelled through her veins, easing the tension of the long, hard day. As she closed her eyes, she leant back against the wall, she felt tears begin to fill her eyes. _What the Fuck! _She thought. _You're pathetic. It's Godzilla who should be crying, if anyone. Get a grip, Bailey! _She shakily raised another cigarette to her mouth, aware of Gill's eyes upon her. Looking up to meet Gill's gaze, she saw concern, and something else in her eyes. Gill reached out and took hold of Rachel's free hand, her thumb stroking Rachel's wrist, sending sparks of desire through Rachel's body. _This is not happening! _Rachel thought as her vision blurred and her world tipped even more sideways. She realised Gill was speaking, and she hadn't heard a word.

Looking dazedly at Gill, she asked 'Uh...sorry, I didn't quite...I mean, what did you say?'

Gill looked directly at her 'I was asking if you were all right, kid?'

'Um...shouldn't that be me..asking you, I mean, you're the one who...' _the one who was abducted, held at knife-point, watched a woman as her lifeblood drained away. _Rachel had been unable to voice any of it, and was unable to the stop the feelings of helplessness which came crashing down. It hit her with full force. They could have lost Gill today. One of the few constants, in Rachel's ever changing world, and she would have been even more at sea.

'Come here.' Gill said, simply. With that Rachel was pulled into Gill's arms, and round the corner of the house, away from any prying eyes. Rachel allowed herself to be held by Gill, as the tears fell and she felt her body shake uncontrollably. Big, fat tears sprang out of Rachel's eyes and slid down her cheeks. Gill pulled back and Rachel felt her face being cupped in Gill's hands, and Gill's thumb lightly brushing away a tear,

'Shh..it's okay. We're all in one piece.' Gill smiled and Rachel clung on to her as she continued silently crying. Rachel's mind was in turmoil. Her thoughts going round and round, as she imagined alternative endings to the days events, none of them good.

'It's just...I mean...if I'd...we'd lost you. I don't know what would happen..to me, I mean.' Rachel stammered, hoping Gill understood what she meant. 'Who would keep me on the straight and narrow, eh?'

Gill wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to keep the young DC on the straight and narrow at this moment in time. 'It's okay, I'm still here.' with that she pulled Rachel closer to her, wiping away another tear. If asked later, Rachel would never be able to explain what happened next, One minute she was looking at her DCI, and the next she was leaning in to kiss her. She touched her lips to Gill's. She had intended a quick peck, but the needy noise Gill made in her throat, at the contact, made her forget her resolve; if indeed, it had ever truly been there. Sliding her hands around Gill, she deepened the kiss, amazed as Gill responded. Gill's tongue insinuated itself in Rachel's mouth swirling and probing, sending Rachel wild with desire. Rachel felt Gill push her against the side wall of the house. Rachel gasped as she felt Gill's hands tugging her shirt from her trousers and moaned as the cool air hit her bare torso followed by Gill's hand stroking her skin, sliding up to cup a bra-covered breast and tease a nipple, through the silky fabric. Rachel shuddered, amazed at the intense desire and lust that was coursing through her body. She broke the kiss and her head fell back against the wall, arching her body into Gill whose mouth was now trailing wet kisses down her neck, as her hand continued exploring.

'G..Gill...' Rachel gasped. Saying Gill's name was difficult, but it was hardly appropriate to call her senior officer Godzilla or boss given the circumstances. 'We shouldn't be doing this..' _here, where we could be seen, anywhere?_ Rachel wasn't sure what she meant and her body didn't seem to agree with her as it was aching for Gill's touch. She felt light headed and dizzy, and knew it wasn't the alcohol causing it.

Gill blinked and looked at Rachel, seeming to come out of a daze.

'I can think of many,many reasons why this is inappropriate.' Gill sighed.

_Oh God, she's regretting it already! _Rachel's mind screamed at her.

'I ..' Gill tried to continue.

Before she could complete what she had been about to say, they heard Janet's voice calling.

'Gill...Rach...Are you still out here?'

'Shit!' Rachel said. 'We should..' she said, waving her hands indicating the disarray of their clothing.

Hastily, the two women smoothed their clothing, and tried to calm their ragged breathing, as Janet rounded the corner to the house.

'Oh, there you are.' Janet stated the obvious. 'What are you two up too?'

Trying not to look guilty, Gill said, almost succeeding.

'Just having a chat, away from the noise.'

Janet took in the still dishevelled appearance of the pair, and the mussed hair. She raised an eyebrow.

'Hmm...' Janet remarked. 'Just come to tell you, I'm going to head off. Get back to the girls and my mum.'

'Oh right.' Gill said. 'It's still early. Are you sure?'

'Got loads of things to do this weekend.' Janet continued. 'Need an early start tomorrow. Do you want me to give you a lift, Rach?

Looking between Gill and Janet, Rachel tried to make a decision. She felt adrenaline coursing through her veins. _Fight or Flight, _she thought.

'Uh, yes thanks.' Rachel decided. 'it's been a long day and all. I should...I should really make a move.'

Rachel wasn't sure if that were a wise move, but on balance, she thought she'd prefer Janet's probing to Gill's explanations, as to why this could never happen again. She didn't think she could cope with that right now.

Gill walked them to the door, then hugged Janet goodbye. She looked at Rachel, awkwardly, and said.

'Have a good weekend. See you bright and early, Monday morning.'

'Right you are.' Janet said. 'See ya!' and with that she grabbed Rachel (who appeared to have been rooted to the spot) by the hand, and pulled her down the drive to her car. When she was sure she was out of earshot of Gill, Janet turned to Rachel and asked.

'What was that all about?..with Gill, I mean.'

'Nothing...' Rachel answered. 'We were...we were just talking..I was upset and..'

Janet looked appraisingly at her friend, and again raised her eyebrow.

As they reached the car, Janet unlocked it remotely, going round to the driver's side. Looking over the top of the car at Rachel.

'I would be more inclined to believe that, were it not for the lipstick marks on your collar and ...oh yeah...your _neck!'_

'Oh, shit!' Rachel panicked. 'Will you just shoot me now? Save Godzilla a job on Monday.'

Rachel looked close to tears and Janet immediately regretted her words.

'Listen Rachel, I don't want to pry. I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk.'

They both got in the car and Janet drove off. Rachel pulled down the visor and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She saw the marks that Janet had spoken off, glad she had left the party when she had. At least no one else had seen them. She was aware of Janet glancing over at her, looking concerned.

'Look, I mean it, pal. I just want you to know you can talk to me. You do know that, don't you? I really missed you.'

'I know, and I will. Just not yet. Anyway, ' Rachel continued. 'Looks like there's nothing to talk about now.'

Janet pulled up outside Rachel's flat, and seeing her friend looking so dejected and disheartened, she pulled her into a hug.

'Thanks.' Rachel said, holding on to Janet for a few moments. 'Oh God, I've _really _missed us!' she sniffed.

Janet squeezed Rachel harder. 'Oh, you'll have me blubbing before long! D'ya want me to come in with you?'

Rachel swiped a hand across her face. 'No thanks. I'll be fine. Call me tomorrow?'

'Sure thing. Maybe go out for lunch? The girls are out with Ade for the day.'

Rachel said one more goodbye, exited the car and opened the door to the building. She waved Janet off, closing the door behind her, then entered her flat, collapsing on the sofa, thinking. _Rachel Bailey, what sort of mess have you got into, this time?! Kissing your boss, no less! Shit, shit, shit! She'll hang you out to dry for this. Have you carted off to another syndicate, or worse back to division!_

Rachel groaned, and went to the cupboard. She poured herself a large vodka, added a small amount of orange juice, and drank it down in one. Pouring another, she took the bottle back with her to the sofa, and set about drowning her sorrows, well and truly.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** So, despite thinking that this was a one shot. I have written another chapter! This is Gill/Rachel and Julie/OFC. I just had to make up someone lovely for Julie, as I couldn't bear to see her alone! She's having such a bad time of it, in fics at the moment, and I think Gill would only consider a relationship with another woman if Julie were unavailable. If the thought of Gill or Julie with anyone else, but each other, is enough to make you run for the hills, then this story probably isn't for you. If you persevere, I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

Gill closed the door, after watching Rachel and Janet disappear down the driveway and leaned against it. She sighed, and closed her eyes. _What on earth were you thinking! Well, you weren't exactly thinking at all, were you? _Said the little voice of reason in Gill's brain. _Ooh, but it felt so good! _Said another part of her brain that was of the opinion thinking was vastly over-rated. As she closed her eyes and let the images and feelings of her encounter with Rachel flood her brain, she thought she really had lost the plot.

Gill was just thinking, she might sneak up to bed when she heard the doorbell ringing. Opening the door again, she was confronted by an exhausted looking Julie, and enveloped in a hug, by way of greeting.

"Good to see you, Slap." Gill enthused.

"Likewise, you mad cow!" Julie returned. "You gave us all such a fright!"

Letting go of Gill, at last, Julie went over to Sammy and Orla, to offer her sincere congratulations to the happy couple.

"Auntie Julie!" Sammy exclaimed, delightedly. "You made it! I thought they'd keep you all night!"

"Even Karen Zalinski isn't that bad." Julie countered. "You still set on joining our 'merry band' then?"

"Sure, what else am I going to do?" Sammy smiled at Orla.

"I'm a little worried, about it all" Orla confessed. "How did you cope today, when your best friend was kidnapped. Wasn't it horrible?"

"The worst." Julie confessed. "But I was determined we'd get her back in one piece and I just concentrated on that. I wanted to be able to do that for her"

"I thought dad was going to go and see what was going on at one point, but I persuaded him that I needed him here." He winked at Julie.

"Thanks for that, kid. I have to confess, I thought he might try to interfere, and I wanted to concentrate on your mum and not having a competition with your dad! I know he was worried, as we all were, but I needed a clear head."

"And you did a brilliant job, and mum is back safe." Sammy said as he gave Julie a bear hug. "I can't thank you enough! I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Me neither, kid. Me neither. It's over now, bar the reports, and interviews. You do realise that there's a lot of paper work in this job. You wouldn't believe it!"

Julie tried not to think of the pile of paper work she had to get through sitting on her office desk. She knew she was going to have to go in at least one day this weekend.

"Where'd your mum go?" Julie asked looking round the room.

"Either to the kitchen, or outside. She's been outside a lot this evening. I think she's taken up smoking again!" Sammy explained. "Oh, you haven't got a drink! What sort of hosts are we?"

Sammy moved to the kitchen to pour a drink for Julie. As she followed, she looked round for Gill, but wasn't able to see her. Taking her gin and tonic from Sammy she wandered into the garden. She couldn't immediately see Gill and was about to go back inside, when she saw the swing seat at the bottom of the garden swaying and squinted to make out a small figure in the darkness. Julie hurried over, wondering if Gill would welcome the company.

"Hello." She said as she arrived. "May I join you?"

"Course you can." Gill patted the seat next to her and Julie sat down.

"How are doing?" Julie asked. "Sorry, that's a stupid question!"

"No, it's fine. The truth is, I don't know. It's a hell of a thing."

Julie took a large swig of her gin, and leaned back on the swing pushing back, laughing, somewhat hysterically.

"Well, don't do it again!" Julie admonished and looked at her friend to see if she was alright.

"I'll try not to!" Gill replied, and promptly burst into tears.

Pulling her into a hug, Julie joined her until they were both sobbing, and comforting each other. Slowly the tears stopped falling and Gill sniffed. Julie pulled a packet of tissues out of her handbag, offered one to Gill and promptly blew her nose, very loudly, causing Gill to start laughing. Soon the two friends were laughing so hard they nearly fell off the swing. Noticing Julie had almost finished her drink, Gill waved to table to the side revealing a bottle of gin and some tonic.

"Refill?" Gill asked, but had already started filling both her and Julie's glasses with generous portions of the clear liquid. Adding a small amount of tonic, she passed Julie's glass back to her, before taking a rather large gulp from her own.

"What a day!" Gill said as she looked at Julie, and then. "I've done something really stupid!" she blurted.

"What do you mean? You've not shagged Dave, have you?" Julie said, looking horrified, even as she tried not to.

Gill laughed. "Uggh! Not a chance. I'm not that mad!"

"Then what? It can't be that bad." Julie reassured her friend. "Out with it!"

"I, er..." Gill looked down at her feet swinging, and then pulled them up and tucked them under her, as she hugged herself. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Since when have we kept things from one another?" Julie asked.

"I know. It's just, this involves someone else, and I don't want you to think..."

"Who've you shagged?"

"Julie!" Gill looked at her friend. "It's Sammy's engagement party! What do you take me for?!"

"A woman who has just been through a traumatic experience and needs comforting. I'm not judging, love. Jesus, I've had my own share of embarrassing encounters!" Julie continued. "It's probably not as bad as you are imagining, you know."

"Oh it is. It's much, much worse!"

"Well, as long as it's not Dave, I don't care!" Julie declared. "And I'd even understand if it had been Dave."

"Really?!" Gill couldn't imagine Julie ever being happy with her hooking up with Dave again, even if it was for a one off encounter.

"Really." Julie tried to reassure her best friend. "Now what's happened."

"I kissed Rachel." Gill confessed.

It was unfortunate that Julie had just taken a rather large mouthful of gin at that moment.

"What?!" she spluttered, covering them both in a fine spray of gin.

"Told you you wouldn't like it!" Gill said, miserably.

"I didn't say that. I'm just surprised is all." Julie said, trying to regain her composure. "I thought you said you'd never go there?"

Julie remembered the conversation that they'd had a few months ago when Gill had told her that she was seriously attracted to Rachel, if not in love with the woman. Just after Rachel had got married, and Gill had been feeling melancholy and all alone. Julie desperately wanted her friend to find someone to spend her life with, someone who understood, as she herself had done with Annie, with whom she had been civil partnered for the last three years.

"So, are we talking peck on the cheek, or full on snog..?"

Gill blushed furiously, looking away.

"Oh my God!" Julie said, staring at her friend. "More than that?"

"Well let's just say I feel a bit of a hypocrite for what I said to Pete and Rachel's mum after I found them in that car park!"

Julie's mouth fell open. "You didn't..?"

"Well, not exactly. I don't know what I was thinking, well I wasn't really thinking, that's the problem!" Gill closed her eyes, again remembering. "Julie, it was amazing. I want more, so much more, but how can I?" Gill buried her face in her hands.

"Well if you really want to, why don't you go for it. Providing Rachel's up for it of course, which, by the way, I'm pretty sure she will be..."

"Because we have to work together!"

"Well, maybe not. You said yourself that you were thinking of re-joining the NPIA, now Sammy doesn't need you at home any more, and even if you're not, Rachel's doing her sergeant's exams soon and she'll be looking for a move. Nothing is impossible."

"I've already told her it's a bad idea." Gill told Julie exactly what had happened, sparing no detail.

"So she's gone home thinking you regret the whole incident!" Julie chided. "That's just cruel. At least speak to her and let her know it's not her fault. She's probably at home thinking you're about to kick her back to division!"

"Oh, God! I didn't think of that. I hoped she'd just want to forget about it."

"Really?" Julie asked.

"Well, no, not really. It's just so impossible! God, why can't I just have a nice, settled love life, like you?"

Julie laughed. "It's only been so these last five years, since I met Annie, prior to that it was a mess! It's still not easy, with her away a lot of the time, and the insane hours I work, but we make it work"

They had, Gill realised. They made it look so easy, and yet Gill wasn't naïve. She knew it had been difficult.

"Look at now. She so wanted to come tonight, but she had to go to Sheffield, for a post-mortem, as their paediatric pathologist has gone on holiday. "

There really weren't enough paediatric pathologists in the country, and Annie Murphy was one of the best, and as such often in great demand. Annie had told Julie the bare bones of the case. It was harrowing: a mother accused of starving her baby boy to death. Sometimes, Julie didn't know how Annie could do that day in, day out, but she did it so well, and someone had to do it. Julie found cases involving children especially difficult and was glad she didn't have to deal with that all the time. She was immensely proud of Annie.

She remembered the case that had brought them together. The brutal rape and murder of a ten year old girl, by her step-father. Annie's detailed post-mortem report had made grim reading, but that combined with her evidence in court had been instrumental in ensuring that the bastard got a life sentence. If he ever got out, hopefully he would be too old and frail to do to anyone else what he had done to Jenna.

"You'll very likely not have a settled love life with Rachel. I don't think a relationship with her would ever be sedate. She's volatile, and I'll wager she'll give you a run for your money!"

"Not to mention that I'm furious with her at the moment. She keeps bringing her personal life to work, and I can't stand that!" Gill said with feeling. "I need someone who can keep the personal separate from the professional, and that's just not Rachel."

"You need someone to love you, and unless I'm very much mistaken, Rachel Bailey is head over heels in love with you. She worships the ground you walk on. The reason she's made such a mess of her personal life so far is that she hasn't found the right person."

"She's straight!"

"Really? As straight as you are?" Julie laughed. "Hmm...I'm sure you'll find she's not as straight as you think, love. From what you've told me, she was just as up for this evening's interlude as you were. Annie always said Rachel pinged her gaydar anyway. We laugh about it, sometimes, and wonder if she'll ever realise that what she needs, rather than a string of useless blokes, is the love of a good woman."

"And do you laugh about me, in the same way? When I told you how I felt about Rachel, did you and Annie have a good laugh about it?" Gill said, trying to keep the hurt she felt out of her voice.

"It's not like that, Gill!" Julie wished she could make Gill understand that she was only teasing, and in a positive way. "We both want you to be happy, with someone, whoever that someone is."

"She won't be interested. It wouldn't be fair. She's just left Sean, she needs her space...and she's fifteen years younger than me. She won't want an old lady!"

"So was Chris!" Julie said. "Anyway, Annie doesn't mind. She's a good ten years younger than me. Age is just a state of mind. I've seen the way you and Rachel are together. You both need someone as intense as each other, and someone who is passionately involved in their work, just like me and Annie. We love each other, but we're both passionately committed to our work, and although I miss her when she's away, or I'm stuck working until midnight on an important case, I know I wouldn't want it any other way."

"You know some of Sammy's friends called me a Cougar, when I was dating Chris?" Gill smiled.

Julie laughed. "A Cougar...that's priceless! A real Courtney Cox, you are, lady. What happened with Chris, anyway, your mother stop paying him?"

Gill looked at her friend. "Ha, bloody, ha! No, he was just too much of a lad in the end. I think I'm going mad. I've never felt this way about anyone before, let alone a woman! It's so overwhelming, but after today, part of me can't help thinking that life's too short. Who was it who said that you only regret the things you didn't do?"

"Don't know." Julie replied. "But it seems like good advice to me! _Carpe Diem, _and all that."

Julie finished her drink, and then suggested they return to the house as she was now feeling decidedly chilly.

"You still staying over? The spare room is made up for you, as usual."

"Oh yes, because tomorrow I want to make sure you don't talk yourself out of speaking to Rachel." She started running for the house, having taken off her heels. "Last one back makes breakfast, in the morning!" She turned round to see Gill desperately trying to to catch up.

"You cheat! You had a head start!" Gill stated, breathlessly as she caught up with the older woman.

"You need to do more exercise you fat-arsed bitch!" Julie said, playfully.

As they fell back into the house through the patio doors, they noticed that the party was down to the last few revellers, and was fairly quiet. There was also an absence of the snoring Dave.

"I sent him back to Gran's in a taxi." Sammy said, by way of explanation to Gill as she looked around for her errant ex-husband.

"Oh good. I wasn't sure quite what to do with him!" Gill admitted. "I think I'm off to bed kid, if that's ok?

"Course it is, mum."

"Me too." Julie added. "I'm looking forward to my breakfast in the morning, lady!"

"Don't push your luck, Slap! Night everyone!"

"Sweet dreams!" Julie called to Gill as they arrived on the landing.

"I think I'm too tired to dream. See you in the morning." Gill yawned as she disappeared into her bedroom.


End file.
